A few years ago, when life seemed to cut off so many connections from my life, my brother gave me this advice: “You need to be okay being all alone. Everyone—including me, Mama, and Nene—will leave you one day.” It was heartbreaking to hear, yet it was the most sound advice I have ever received.
Everyone will leave sooner or later. Nothing is permanent in this life. Those who promise they will stay will eventually betray you. I remember this person who seemed to be looking for a best friend at that time. She was experiencing depression, and it so happened that I was there, so I comforted her. After a few days, she became okay and asked me if I could be her ride-or-die. I didn’t know what to say. As someone older than her, I think I had experienced more things that proved there is no guarantee in this life. So I told her, “No, I can’t be.” Not because I am mean, but because I am a good person.
It is sweet to hear promises of forever—to be friends for life, to be someone’s love forever, to stay with someone for the rest of their lives. But the truth is, there is no guarantee, and sometimes it is beyond our control. If I said yes just because it was the comfortable route, I would eventually betray her. As much as possible, I want to honor every word that I say.
I often ponder why people are conditioned to cling to “forever” when everything is temporary. Perhaps it was the fairy tales we read as children. Perhaps it was the media or books that portray love and friendship as lasting until the end of time. I also remember the time when the tagline “Walang forever” was so popular. I was not a believer of the at that time.
Years have passed, and now, as a Vipassana meditator, I agree that that tagline is so right. Buddha’s words win against all fairy tales. Walang ngang forever. Ang mga naniniwala pa sa forever ay hindi makakaalis sa cycle ng samsara. As I experience impermanence at an experiential level, I agree that change is the only constant in this world—no matter how unromantic or “depressive” it may sound.
Change hits hard, especially for those who consider themselves loyal people. I, too, am very loyal—too loyal to a fault. As a Venus-in-Scorpio conjunct Pluto person, my loyalty is out of the question. As much as possible, people with strong Scorpio placements—especially in Venus and the Moon—want to merge souls with someone, but that isn’t possible in a real sense. Someone’s loyalty can be overbearing to others; some people might even reason out that they didn’t ask for it.
I remember the story of a friend who, at that time, decided to meet her ka-talking stage whom she met via a dating app. According to her, it all started sweet and playful. However, after they went out, the guy started to become controlling. She said, “Grabe, ang territorial. Hindi pa nga buffet yung libre nun eh.”
I guess, detached love is the most healthy form of love. However, it takes a lot of maturity to get there. All people need to expand their horizons. No one owns anyone. And everyone is entitled to these two birthrights: love and freedom.
Life is all about change. Every moment of change is a bardo moment—a trial experience for the afterlife. In Vajrayana Buddhism, after we die, we undergo bardo phases. Those who recognize the true light and do not hesitate to go toward it will not be reborn again. If we still have attachments, of course we will want to go back to Earth, and the process of samsara will continue.
People will make promises that they will stay, but sooner or later, everyone will leave. Good times with friends don’t guarantee they will still be part of your trying moments. Catching feelings for someone doesn’t mean that person is meant to stay. It is all temporary. The only question is: when are they going to leave your life? Eventually, they all do.
So let’s enjoy every moment we can with the people we care about while they are still here, because nothing is really promised. We all need to learn to adapt to change. We need to be okay offering kindness to temporary people, because no one is truly permanent. Everything and everyone is just passing by. So master the art of being alone—and be truly happy.
–G.A.