I went on solo travel to a foreign country last year, and it just so happened that I had a few friends who were currently working there, so I contacted them to meet up.
One of these friends was my workmate at my previous company. I only stayed for three months on our project, but she treated me well, so I treasure her as a friend. Anyway, we spent a beautiful evening at a beautiful café, talking about anything under the sun. I felt so at home in her energy. After all, she is a Pisces, and most of the people who have gotten close to me have strong Pisces placements in their natal charts.
In the midst of our conversation, she revealed to me that she has a strong memory and can recall things easily. Then I said, “Oh, so maybe that’s the reason why you can still recall many small details I shared before, even after so many years?” She replied, “Yes. It’s a gift that became an advantage in my job and in dealing with people.”
After we said our goodbyes, I pondered on that thought as I rode the Singapore subway. Probably, as a member of the human race, I also like it when people remember small details about me, even after many years have passed. It makes me feel seen and valued, even if only for a few minutes. And maybe this is one of the many reasons why I became friends with this person.
I, too, have a good memory. However, I chose not to let people know that I remember things about them because it feels like I’m putting myself in a losing position. Looking back, I had this “friend” in my elementary days. We parted ways in high school and, for the rest of our lives (hehe). I wasn’t fond of communicating via text messages, especially back when I still needed to buy load. My school allowance was just enough for my basic needs. However, I consistently greeted her on her birthday for years—not because of any reminder app, but purely I remembered it by heart.
When I was accepted for an internship at a company in Makati, I contacted her to meet up. As a provincial girl, it was my first time at that time navigating Manila alone, I took the wrong train direction. When I told her, she said I should just go home because she couldn’t wait for me. I felt like shit at that moment. I felt like a loser because I had spent effort every year reminding her that I remembered her birthday, yet she couldn’t be bothered to deal with a little inconvenience, even for just a few hours.
This is already forgiven but I just recalled this from my memory as one of many scenarios where I felt undervalued for caring.Sorry to that person if she happens to read this, but there’s a 95% probability that she won’t. Perhaps my pattern of thinking is the same as most people nowadays. We refuse to show affection because, at some point, someone or some people didn’t value us in return. Most people want to show the world they are “unbothered” but deep inside they are really affected. Showing care becomes a power struggle. Those who care less win; those who care more lose. And most people hate being on the losing end. It feels like our dignity is stripped away when we’re the ones in that position.
Perhaps, many relationships could be saved if people could safely open up more. Perhaps, many beautiful connections could be made if people weren’t hesitant to treat others well. Perhaps, the world would feel less lonely too. However, human as we are, we often mourn our “nasayang na pake” when our affection isn’t returned in the same way. Many people including myself, would prefer to be alone rather than to deal with this power struggle of affection. That is why equanimity is important—though it is easier said than done. Being equanimous (hindi natitag) means showing compassion because you meant it well, whether it is returned or not.
Final Thought
Thanks to the friend I reconnected with last year, I was given the chance to examine my own mind. Gradually, I opened myself up to vulnerability. When I remember something about someone I’ve talked to before, I now choose not to hold back and mention it. Most of the time, I see their faces light up. It makes them feel seen and valued.
Others may perceive it as flirting, especially when it’s with the opposite gender, so showing care still requires consciousness. However, human to human—without any malice—we all want to feel seen and connected. So, in any form you can, show your heart, make people feel seen (only if you meant it well; otherwise love bombing alert) and watch the world gravitate toward you.
-G.A.