When I was in high school, we had role-playing activities almost every year, as if our school were preparing us for an acting career.
Of course, none of us became actors or actresses. We were far too proud of our precious brain cells to pursue such a path. 😄
But I remember my favorite roles.
A rich, elegant female villain who laughed sarcastically and shouted at the main character.
Another time, I played someone possessed by ghosts.
People applauded. Some even told me I was a natural.
But what they didn’t know was that, for a few moments, those roles allowed me to breathe.
I could become someone else.
Or perhaps, in a strange way, I could finally become a little more of myself.
Years later, I find myself sitting in a comfortable chair, sipping herbal tea and typing these thoughts away. Looking back, I sometimes wonder if those childhood role-playing activities were preparing me for something much bigger.
Because perhaps life itself is one enormous role-playing game…
We are born into a role.
We are given a name, a family, a culture, a body, a set of expectations.
Then we learn our lines.
Child.
Student.
Friend.
Lover.
Worker.
Success.
Failure.
And somewhere along the way, we become so immersed in the character that we forget we are playing a role.
I’ve been reading about Buddhist cosmology, where time and lifespans can differ enormously across different realms. Some traditions speak of beings who live for incredibly long periods, making our human lifetime seem almost like a brief moment.
I’ve also wandered into the strange and fascinating world of Gnosticism—the Pleroma, Sophia, the divine spark, the Archons, and the theory that this is the real teaching of Jesus.
I don’t know how much of any of this is literally true.
And perhaps that’s okay.
There are countless maps of reality, and every tradition offers its own interpretation of the mystery.
Maybe the truth is bigger than any map we have drawn.
Sometimes I like to imagine that our lives are like a movie being watched from somewhere beyond this world.
Perhaps our 80 years are only a brief film to beings who experience thousands upon thousands of years.
Maybe they watch us laugh, fall in love, suffer, lose, and begin again.
Maybe they cheer when we succeed.
Maybe they cry when we suffer.
Maybe they even eat their equivalent of popcorn while watching the strange drama of human existence. 😂
And perhaps there is something uniquely beautiful about being human.
We can taste food.
Feel sunlight.
Smell rain.
Fall in love.
Miss someone.
Cry over a song.
Laugh until our stomach hurts.
Experience a sunset knowing it will never appear exactly the same way again.
Perhaps these ordinary experiences are extraordinary from another perspective.
And yet, whenever I try to understand existence, I find another mystery behind the mystery.
Behind the clouds…
there are more clouds.
Behind the curtain…
another curtain.
Behind the answer…
another question.
Maybe life isn’t meant to be completely understood.
I’m the kind of person who reads spoilers before finishing a movie. I want to know whether the ending will be happy or sad.
But life doesn’t give us spoilers.
And perhaps that’s the beauty of it.
We don’t know what happens next.
We don’t know who stays.
We don’t know who leaves.
We don’t know how the story ends.
We simply continue playing our part.
Perhaps awakening is not about escaping the illusion.
Perhaps it is about seeing through it…
while still being willing to participate.
To love without trying to possess.
To experience joy without trying to freeze it.
To experience suffering without believing it will last forever.
To understand impermanence.
To practice non-attachment.
To play the role…
without forgetting that we are more than the role.
Maybe we don’t need to know the ending.
Maybe we only need to be present for the scene we’re living now.
The tea in our hands.
The person beside us.
The song playing in the background.
The sunset outside the window.
This strange, temporary experience called life.
Perhaps one day the curtain will fall.
Maybe there will be another stage behind it.
Maybe another dream.
Maybe another mystery.
Or maybe nothing at all.
I don’t know.
And perhaps…
not knowing is enough...
Anyway, I’d like to share a song I made using AI.
Another little creation from this strange human experience…
-G.A.