“Accept reality as it is, not as you would like it to be.”
This is one of the lessons a Vipassana meditator should understand after completing a 10-day course. However, in my case, it took three courses for this to sink in. Not because I am slow, but because the timing was not right. Each 10-day course program is the same, yet each experience is different—and it becomes more intense and deeper each time.
It has been said that there are 108 mental defilements. I am not sure how many of these I possessed, but clearing even one is a big achievement on a soul level. If you think about it, these mental defilements have been accumulated by our souls over numerous lifetimes. Throughout history, the world has experienced war, inequality, abuse, famine, and all sorts of tragedies. All of these have created sensations of aversion in our unconscious minds. So, let’s give ourselves a break—it was natural to develop them—but this is not an excuse to avoid working on them. After all, Vipassana is work-ism. You achieve liberation when you work hard on yourself, not when you suck up to deities by praising them without living up to their modeled qualities.
Developing Aversion
Oftentimes, we feel triggered by the actions of other people toward us.
“Oh, he is so rude… She is so insensitive… He should do that this way… They are bad people… I’m the victim here… She shouldn’t do that to me,” etc.
When we feel hurt, it is often blamed on the negative actions of others—not us. We see ourselves as victims and do not want to take accountability for our own emotions. However, triggers are actually our best friends. They point to the source of our unhealed wounds.
Through meditation, one comes to understand that the real reason we are hurt is that we have developed aversion toward certain sensations. Because we resist these sensations, we cannot accept that we are currently experiencing them. We avoid facing them simply because they do not feel good.
When the same scenario happens to two or three people, they may respond very differently. Some may become angry, while others remain peaceful. Therefore, whenever we are triggered, it is we who need to work on ourselves—not by repressing emotions to appear mature, but by genuinely clearing the junk from our subconscious minds.
Aversion in action
I would like to share one vulnerable truth about myself. This can no longer be used against me because I am beyond it now. I also know that many people share this aversion, so it is relatable.
I hated criticism. I had a deep aversion to it in my unconscious mind without realizing it consciously. It didn’t matter whether it was valid or invalid, rude or constructive. One could only hope it was valid—because then I could fight fire with fire. But if we look closely, the world always has something to say. I, too, am a very opinionated person. However, taking every offense to heart is madness. Oh yes, I was crazy—but thanks to Vipassana, I can laugh about it now.
Whatever words come out of people’s mouths are expressions of their own reality. They reflect more about them than about you. However, due to lifetimes of negative experiences, the brain tricks us into thinking we are under attack. In truth, no one is really against anyone. We all have the right to express our reality in ways that align with who we are.
After all, we all want to be accepted and understood. Ironically, we often fail to offer that same acceptance and understanding to others. We crave authenticity and truthfulness in every interaction, yet when people present their authentic—but imperfect—selves, we frown and demand respect and other virtues, as if the world must adjust to accommodate our imperfect views. That is why humans created “proper social manners” as guidelines for interacting with one another—because not everyone has the capacity to understand and accept without irritation.
Escaping Reality
When humans are confronted with life’s challenges, many tend to escape through alcohol, drugs, stress-eating, even travel. As a result, nothing is solved, and the world remains the same—difficult.
I remember a video by one of my favorite YouTubers, Christina Lopes, in which she says that when you are triggered, it is a golden opportunity to sit down, meditate, and examine where the wound is coming from. However, most people try to numb the pain by resorting to different vices.
We shouldn’t drink when we are facing a problem. Instead, we should meditate and observe our sensations. That said, I am not totally against alcohol—it comes from nature, after all. It can be a great tool for socialization, celebration, and sometimes relaxation. I am simply saying it should not be used as a way to escape problems.
Another form of escape is daydreaming. Some say it can be a form of visualization. While it is good to have hopes and wishes, people sometimes use this to avoid their reality. As a Vipassana meditator, I believe this is misguided. Everything should be grounded in reality.
There is no more important time than the present moment. There is no more important place than where you are right now. There is no perfect scenario beyond the action you are currently taking. People feel less happy because they have created an imagined version of what happiness should look like. As a result, they cannot appreciate what is already happening in the present moment.
Twenty years may pass. Thirty years may pass. Death may come—but they have lived an unlived life, still waiting for their imagined version of a “happy life” to arrive. It is a waste of incarnation. Life presents us with good people, good opportunities, and good circumstances, yet because we cling to an imagined version of happiness, we fail to appreciate what is right in front of us. Often, we only recognize something as a blessing after it has passed and become a memory.
Final Thought
We can hope for the future, but we must accept reality as it is—with all its challenges and difficulties. Let’s face life moment by moment. Learn from each hardship and savor each joyful moment, because according to the law of nature, life is impermanent – anicca.
–G.A.