If you happen to enter the world of spirituality, for sure, you will get intrigued and will want to try an Ayahuasca ceremony.
During my spiritual awakening in 2020, I happened to watch many YouTube videos and got curious about Ayahuasca. I searched if it was available in the Philippines, but it wasn’t showing up on my timeline or in Google search results. The only thing I knew was that it was popular in Latin America and the western part of the US. So, I said to myself, “I’ve got to find a way to get there.”
Perhaps the Universe just wanted me to get back on my feet, as I was very content with life in the province. So, after COVID-19, I got myself a work-from-home job with a US employer. It happened that I had a C1 experience, so I was hired—and the rest is history.
After a series of events, I found myself back in my old job. Honestly, I wasn’t sure why I needed to be back, but it seemed like I had to. Anyway, because the work arrangement was hybrid, I needed to be in Manila—and that’s where I met people who introduced me to a shaman who conducted authentic Ayahuasca ceremonies.
Why did I say “authentic”? Because not all shamans in the Philippines offer an authentic experience. Since many people don’t know the real effects of Ayahuasca, some use combinations of other psychedelic plants and tell people it’s “Ayahuasca.” Other groups even offer Ayahuasca for free. Some people said that, on the same day, they were also given mushrooms and other psychedelics—basically overdosing people with no purpose at all. The spirit of the plant medicine is not honored or revered. Being high without purpose is not medicine.
Psychedelic plant medicines exist for a reason. They come from nature and are meant to be used as medicine—not for entertainment, and not to be abused. Unfortunately, many people use them for the wrong reasons, which leads to negative effects and gives these sacred plants a bad reputation.
So anyway, I booked my first Ayahuasca journey in May 2023, two months after my first Vipassana. It was quite pricey, but the thought of flying to Peru just to experience an authentic one made it seem cheaper in comparison.
I arrived in Tagaytay that day, where the shaman lived, and I introduced myself. I didn’t know these people, but I could sense they were good souls. They cleansed me with sage to remove any negativity I brought with me so it wouldn’t enter their home.
Then we rode in a van to a big house. The driver told me that certain actors and politicians had also done their Ayahuasca ceremonies there. Later, I learned that this shaman was trusted by other well-known figures in the Philippines. So yes, my gut was right—this was legit.
When we got to the house, I still wasn’t sure what would happen next. All I knew was that my spirit was ready. I had been strict with my diet and all my preparations beforehand. I was like a general ready to go to war—a war against my own demons.
After the shaman prepared the setting, I told them I was ready. The ceremony began. Ethereal and tribal music played as we meditated for a few minutes. Then, a tobacco snuff called hapé was served to me. It was blown into my left nostril first, then my right, signifying the clearing of negative energies from the past and the future. I vomited and felt dizzy because of it, but afterward, I felt relaxed—as if a heavy energy within me had been lifted.
After hapé, Ayahuasca was served next. But I was told to set my intention before drinking it. This is a sacred drink—not for entertainment or curiosity. My spirit was so ready at that time, and I silently set my intention: “Take me back to my most gruesome lifetime when my heart wounds began. I want to face it and heal it right now.”
Then, I drank the Ayahuasca brew.
After a few minutes, it hadn’t taken effect yet, so the shaman gave me another round of hapé and Ayahuasca. We waited a few more minutes… and then it started to take effect.
As the medicine took hold, my body felt like it was floating high above the earth, surrounded by stars. Then, a burst of laser-like energy opened my heart. The energy was strong and high-vibrational—my heart chakra felt fully activated. My body split in two, then shattered like glass. Suddenly, I felt like I had no body at all. I was pure consciousness—a high-vibrational presence made of unconditional love.
It was my first time feeling that. So this is what unconditional love feels like, I thought. And it was so different from the version I’d known all my life.
The second time I felt this was during my bhanga state in my second Vipassana meditation, but that time, it was my third eye that was activated.
Ayahuasca, for me, is a shortcut to achieving the blissful state of Vipassana. However, after you gain the wisdom, if your mind is not yet trained, you may still be easily triggered by your surroundings, just like before. Ayahuasca is like a strict mother—she can be really rough with most people. She reveals the truths you don’t have the courage to face. But during the ceremony, she was gentle with me. Perhaps she knew I had already been harsh on myself, and being strict was not what I needed.
As my journey continued, I felt like I was three years old again—just wanting to play and enjoy life. I saw lots of colors and paintings, jumping from cloud to cloud. Everything was rainbows and unicorns. It was blissful, euphoric, and unforgettable. My guide told me how to enjoy life and reminded me that life itself can be my playground.
Mother Ayahuasca allowed me to fully enjoy my childhood. It was as if she was showing me that one of my purposes in life is simply to enjoy it. The trip lasted for about nine hours.
People online share different kinds of experiences—some are dark and intense, while others, like mine, are blissful. It depends on what Mother Aya thinks you need. My intention before drinking the brew was to revisit my most painful lifetime, but what Mother Ayahuasca showed me instead was that I needed to learn to enjoy life.
Life is full of unconditional love when you have the right perspective—and during my nine-hour journey, I saw that love everywhere.
I had been too hard on myself. I thought I needed to be fixed. But Mother Ayahuasca taught me not to take life so seriously—to see it as my playground.
That journey also healed something in my childhood, and I am deeply grateful for that. I learned what unconditional love truly feels like. At first, I thought that journey would help me meet “the right one,” since my heart chakra had been opened. But now I realize—it was for me to learn to love myself correctly.
I don’t know when Father Saturn in my 7th house will allow me to have a partner, but after Ayahuasca and the recent Vipassana, I think I’ve learned my lesson—and I feel so much gratitude for it.
Final thought…
Mother Aya didn’t let me glimpse my heaviest past life—because it doesn’t matter. But being the stubborn person I am, I found a way to see it anyway. And now that I know, I can say—it really doesn’t matter.
Before we are reborn, we pass through a “veil of forgetfulness” so that we won’t remember our past lives. This is for our own good—to start with a clean slate.
But so what if you do remember? So what if you know who you was and who your past-life spouse was, and that he’s here in this lifetime? It’s not like you can just go and tell him.
What I realized is that the past doesn’t really matter—no matter how beautiful or tragic it was, it won’t change anything in the present. Because, following the law of nature, all things arise and eventually pass away.
Life is all about the journey, so view it as your own playground. There is no final destination, by the way. Death isn’t even the end.
–G.A.